I Need Help

If there is a future me, I wish that she could come back and tell me what to do. Tell me that everything is going to work out and be ok. That one day I will be happy and one day I wont hurt anymore. She is the only one that can help me. Because right now I cant stop crying. I can't see my future. I don't even know if I care about my future. Right now I just hurt and I feel empty. I have no one. Absolutely no one. I don't know if you know how that feels but it is the worst feeling that I could've ever imagined.

Ok I am taking a few deep breaths because I realize how suicidal this all sounds. I should have woke up for church today.

Ever since 2010 I only had three people in my life that ( I thought ) cared about me. One was a boyfriend, one was my best friend since middle school, and the other was a close friend that I met first year of high school and we messed around a lot. With him we argue a lot and I am over him. He chose other people over me so we aren't even really friends right now. We communicate but we are very distant. He has a girlfriend now, which is cool. I don't ever want him as more than a friend. But currently I have been feeling very alone and all I have wanted was to have him as a friend. but that is not really working. My bestfriend lives in Ohio. We are always busy and we never have time to talk to each other but I still love her. The ex boyfriend...we were cool up until I moved back to this state. We broke up before I went to college because I was going to be so far away. But we still talked when we could as friends. I moved back here in December and went to the school that he went to. The change was very last minute. I told him before I even got here but never got a reply.

That leads into the main reason why I'm feeling like this. I've been trying to communicate with him and he has been ignoring me. We finally talked on the phone he apologized and we caught up a little. The next day he blocked me from everything. I was hurt more than ever. He came to visit the school a week or two ago. I ran into him early in the morning in the café. Literally 3 feet away from each other. I was so hurt, sad, and mad I couldn't speak. I just shook my head and walked away. But lately I've missed his friendship. I deleted his number a while ago. So I mentioned him on twitter saying hey can we talk. He continued tweeting other people and posting tweets. Ignoring me. It jus really really hurt because he was one of m best friends. I have been hurting for a long time and he was always the one to make me feel better and now he is the one hurting me. I tried calling y bestfriend numerous times and she didn't answer. I called my other guy friend that I mentioned but he told me to stop calling bc he is with his girlfriend. and I have no one else. I have no family to talk to. my friend from my other school..i love them but I wouldn't call them for this I am very out of breath and tired and weak and hot and I do not know what else to do. I honestly think that I am going to have another anxiety attack. I just cant deal. I need help and I know that posting it here wont help. bc no one sees this anyway. but this it the only outlet that I have right now